Alright, friends. I went and had my pity party. It was a great success, but all good things must come to an end. I’ve gotta officially shut the party down and ask my still drunk pity party friends to order their Uber rides home so that I can lock up for the night.
After you received your Facebook invitations, most of you came to my pity party, too. A grand time was definitely had.
Thanks to those of you who showed up on time. Fashionably late is a fashionably stupid concept, if you ask me.
Thanks to those of you who gave me giant hugs throughout the party. Those hugs were greatly needed. I barely even thought a perverted thought at all while we hugged, either, because I’m mostly a gentleman.
Thanks for those of you who did pity shots with me throughout the party. It was fun getting plastered on each other’s company. Sure, some of us ended up word vomiting because we downed a few too many, but hey. Sometimes those are the best kinds of parties.
I did have to kick a couple people out of the pity party. They were seriously ruining the party vibe, which is saying something at a pity party.
In case you were wondering, I didn’t get laid after the party was over, and that was a bummer. I thought for sure all the imbibing would get me up to at least “I guess I’d do him if he’s all I can get” status.
But, hey, I made a few new platonic friends at the party, which is always nice.
Yeah, it was a good pity party, for sure. Probably the best pity party I’ve ever invited you all over to, if I’m being honest. We kept that shit alive and going for like three weeks straight.
If you missed the party, blame Facebook. I did my best to get you the invite. You did miss out, though…
I got so drunk on those self-pity shots that I did some slightly embarrassing things. I told some secrets. I blubbered a bit. I shared a lot more than I usually would have. I’m sure watching the shit show was all sorts of fun for anyone who came.
A couple little heated fights even broke out. I wasn’t involved, but some of my guests were. We’re gonna blame the pity shots for those.
All in all, though, almost everyone who came to the party just chilled, and talked, and hugged each other a lot. They said a lot of awesome things to each other. They shared stories with each other. They left feeling better about life and all its craziness. That’s my hope, anyway.
Like I said, though, all good pity parties must come to an end. I don’t know about you, but I can only down so many pity shots before I can’t even think about downing another one for a good long while.
Back to real life. Back to laughing. Back to working my ass off to make everything work. Back to thinking less about myself and more about others. Back to being thankful for everything I do have, which is an awful lot. Back to remembering just how many good people and goodness in general I have in my life.
I’ve truly enjoyed having you all at my pity party. You’re good people to be around. You’re the best people. I mean that.
And don’t worry…
You’ll definitely be invited to the next pity party, whenever that is. Don’t be a stranger until then.
Dan Pearce | Dan Pearce Was Here