The πŸ‘πŸ₯«πŸπŸ˜‚ Collection

Original Memes by Dan Pearce

These are all my memes that officially made it into the πŸ‘πŸ₯«πŸπŸ˜‚ club (“I can be funny”)! That means when I first posted each one over on my Facebook page, it wasΒ shared at least a thousand times, sometimes a lot more than that. Only about 1 in every 8 memes I create makes the cut.

I created each of these of these over the years out of the total awkwardness that is my mind. Most are funny. Some are sincere. Enjoy.

An Evening Of

“Anybody wanna join me for an evening of forgetting that we were gonna say and complaining about our aging bodies.” ~Dan Pearce

My Problem? My Missing Sock

“Some people are solving major world problems, and I’m over here all excited because I found my missing sock inside a pair of my underwear.” ~Dan Pearce

Awesome Free Stuff

“Raise your hand if ou want some awesome free shit!
Now smack yourself with that hand and go earn it.”
~Dan Pearce

Quick Six Mile Run

“Some people go for “quick six-mile runs” to feel better. I apparently go for ass-draggingly slow half-mile runs to almost kill myself.” ~Dan Pearce

I Miss The Days When . . .

“I miss the days when I would count down to my birthday because getting older was, for some strange reason, fun.” ~Dan Pearce

I keep hearing the term ‘sleep in’…

“I keep hearing the term ‘sleep in’. Can someone remind me what exactly that means again?” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Best Part Of Getting Older

“The best part of getting older is . . . Nothing. Getting older sucks.” ~Dan Pearce

My Kid Is The Best

“My kid is the best at lots of things! Not turning off lights for example.” ~Dan Pearce

Share this post if you are for or against pointless posts…

“Share this post if you are for or against pointless posts.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Remember When . . .

“I remember fondly the nights I could sleep without ever waking up to pee.” ~Dan Pearce

Don’t Take It Personally

“Don’t take it personally. I “deep sigh” at just about everything nowadays.” ~Dan Pearce

Be There In 5 Minutes

“I said I’d be there in five minutes. In all fairness, I didn’t say *where* I’d be in five minutes.” ~Dan Pearce

My Two Fears

“I have two fears. Dying young, and people looking in the drawer next to my bed when I do.” ~Dan Pearce

Learn To Laugh

“Life doesn’t ever get less ridiculous, so you might as well learn to laugh at the whole of it.” ~Dan Pearce

Facebook On This Day

“Facebook is really good at reminding me that five years ago on this day I was a lot more awesome than I am now.” ~Dan Pearce

Hide my pudge season…

“Yay! It’s finally hide my pudge… I mean hoodie season.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Dear universe, I’m truly thankful…

“Dear universe, I’m truly thankful for every hard thing I’ve ever been through. I also wouldn’t mind not learning any new life lessons for the next month or so.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

A Real Parent When . . .

“You’re not a real parent until you’ve flipped off your kid behind their back at least once.” ~Dan Pearce

You Look Tired

“I’m at the stage of life where I’m wondering if my name got changed to “you look tired.”” ~Dan Pearce

Should a random body part just fall off one day…

“The older I get, the less surprised I think I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Facebook is good at bad reminders…

“Facebook is really good at reminding me that fie years ago on this day I was a lot more awesome than I am now.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

My only hope for spending the rest of my life with someone…

“The way single life is going, my only hope for spending the rest of my life with someone is if I somehow choke on a donut and die during the first date.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Love Your Life

“I love my life. I think I’m sexy. I think I’m funny. I think I’m talented. I think I’m awesome.
That doesn’t make me a narcissist. It makes me a freaking champion. Getting to this point wasn’t easy.” ~Dan Pearce

How did I get so much stuff?

“How did I get so much stuff that I never use, but somehow really needed to have?” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

I may be an exhumed mummy or something…

“They say you’re only as old as you feel. I think I may be an exhumed mummy or something.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

My Best Friends

“My best friends have way too much shit on me. I should probably buy them all some ice cream or something. You know . . . to keep the secrets happy.” ~Dan Pearce

I’m Not Crazy

“Come join me in the glorious land of “I’m done pretending I’m not crazy.”” ~Dan Pearce

I saw a real live unicorn today…

“I saw a real live unicorn today. Prove that I didn’t. PROVE IT! Yeah. Didn’t think you could.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

I just wanted to post something positive today…

“I just wanted to post something positive today.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

You may wanna buckle up…

“Yeah. I just said that. Welcome to my brain. You may wanna buckle up.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Oh, I can walk the walk…

“Oh, I can walk the walk. Just please don’t ask me to jog the jog or run the run.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

I’ve got something important to say

“Everyone listen up. I’ve got something really important to say. I just can’t remember what it was.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Two new additions to the endangered list…

“Earlier this week, two new additions were placed on the endangered list: ‘silence, and patience.'” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

It’s Getting Colder

“It’s getting colder. My fat rolls are squealing with excitement at the chance to finally hide beneath layers.” ~Dan Pearce

Viewing the world through rose-colored glasses…

“The problem with viewing the world through rose-colored glasses is that you never see any of the red flags.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Putting Things In MY Cart

“It seems somebody keeps putting chips and Oreos in my cart, and I don’t notice until I’ve gotten home and eaten them all.” ~Dan Pearce

I Hope You Like Awkwardness…

“I hope you like awkwardness, because it’s all I’m probably bringing to the party.” ~Dan Pearce original meme.

The more I wonder about my mom and dad…

“The older I get, the more I wonder if my well-put-together mom and dad, who seemed to have all the answers to life, were really just like me… Holding on for dear life, just hoping not to screw parenting up too badly.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

A mouse ran across my bedroom…

“A mouse ran across my bedroom. It was the cutest, littlest, fuzziest thing that I ever wanted to murder with all my adrenaline-pumping heart.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Summer Is Like . . .

“Summer is like a super fun lover that you bring back into your life, only to be reminded of all the reasons you broke up in the first place.” ~Dan Pearce

Nothing Lasts Forever

“Nothing lasts forever. Except for today. That shit won’t quit.” ~Dan Pearce

Kids Hate Naps

“Kids hate naps. Kids are stupid.” ~Dan Pearce

Grammar Police

“Always say hello when you see a grammar cop. You never no win you might kneed there help.” ~Dan Pearce

I’m trying to live life more like my dog does…

“I’m trying to live life more like my dog does: quick to love, quick to forgive, quick to say hi to strangers… Quick to sniff butts. Okay, maybe not the last one.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Can I Be Grounded As An Adult?

“I hated being grounded as a kid. Now a full couple days to myself, forced to get some extra chores done sounds pretty nice.” ~Dan Pearce

Do Good Everyday

“Every day I try to do something good in the world. Today, for example, I put on deodorant.” ~Dan Pearce

Parenting: The Act Of Pretenting

“Parenting: the act of pretending every single day like you’ve got your life togetherΒ and you’re not constantly on the verge of losing your shit.” ~Dan Pearce

Can My Kid Stop Growing?

“Yeah. Ummm. If my kid would just stop growing up so damn fast, that’d be great.” ~Dan Pearce

Not Easy Being Me

“It ain’t easy being me. Literally only one person has ever pulled it off in all of history.” ~Dan Pearce

151,600. That’s how many people didn’t survive yesterday…

“151,600. That’s how many people didn’t survive yesterday. We all made it. Now what are we going to do with that gift?” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

How much food could a food truck truck…

“How much food could a food truck truck if a food truck could truck food? Because I’ll have that man.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Nobody Could Have Resisted That Last Piece of Bacon…

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Nobody could have resisted that last piece of bacon. Nobody.” ~Dan Pearce original meme.

Our tradition of never hanging out…

“My friends and I have this awesome tradition where we remind each other how overdue we are to hang out, then don’t.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Who is the common denominator?

“Most people never come to understand that they are the common denominator in all of their life’s successes and problems.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

We don’t live in 1954 anymore…

“A gay guy, a black guy, an old woman, a disabled person, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “what’ll it be, folks?” And that’s it. Because we don’t live in 1954 anymore. And neither should you.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Why I Buy Bananas

“Apparently I buy bananas for the sole purpose of weighing down may trash when they go bad.” ~Dan Pearce

Welcome to my brain. Buckle up…

“Welcome to my brain. Please keep your seat belt fastened and your arms inside the ride at all times.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Going To The Store

“I’m actually quite impressed with how often I go to the store to get one specific thing, and then come back with everything except for that item.” ~Dan Pearce

Look at me like you do your coffee…

“I just want someone to look at me the way I look at my morning coffee… Like their day will be so much easier to take on with me in it.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Thanks for sticking with me anyway…

“Look. I know I’m messed-up. I know I’m weird. I know I do stupid things, sometimes. Thanks for sticking with me anyway.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Text You Back

“If I don’t text you back immediately, it’s nothing personal. It’s that I’m not 16 and glued to my phone.” ~Dan Pearce

The Worst Curse Imaginable

“I wish I could curse those that annoy me with a month of the internet at dial-up speeds.” ~Dan Pearce

My Dream Pet

“My dream pet would be half red panda, half English Bulldog, half otter, half penguin, and half unicorn, living with me in a wolf without math.” ~Dan Pearce

Deep Breathing Exercises

“I do deep breathing exercises every day. You may think they’re pointless, but I have yet to strangle a stupid person.” ~Dan Pearce

And God Said . . .

“And God said, “there shall be 24 hours in a day.” And the people revolted. So God said, “Fine. I’ll give you caffeine.”” ~Dan Pearce

Where Did I Put That?

“Top three places I always find whatever it was I just spent 20 minutes looking for:
In my pocket.
In my hand.
On top of my head.”
~Dan Pearce

Two Kinds of People

“There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who are right. And those who like the taste of black licorice.” ~Dan Pearce

That high horse people like to ride on…

“If you look close enough, that high horse people like to ride on is actually a donkey.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

That’s Offensive!

“We can’t say “look on the bright side” anymore. It’s offensive to vampires and people with hangovers.” ~Dan Pearce

Respect The Right To Believe

“Respect Everyone’s right to believe whatever the hell they want. But never respect any belief that is ignorant, ridiculous, hurtful, arrogant, or just plain stupid.” ~Dan Pearce

I don’t worry when I forget…

“I don’t worry too much when I forget what I was about to say since I generally hang out with people who will probably forget I was about to say something anyway.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Negativity Dragging You Down

“You can only rise above constant negativity so long before it starts dragging you down with it, so get rid of that shit.” ~Dan Pearce

That One Friend

“We all have that one friend who shares our stuff but never hits the like button.” ~Dan Pearce

The greatest gift you can give some people…

“Sometimes the greatest gift you can give a person is to simply include them.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Embrace the crazy…

“Embrace the crazy. It’s not going anywhere. ” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Thought I Saw My Ex

“I thought I saw my ex the other day. Turned-out to be a frozen raccoon carcass on the side of the road. That was awkward.” ~Dan Pearce

Waiting For Success Is Like . . .

“Waiting for success to fall into your lap is like waiting for your dog to pick up its own poop. It would be super convenient if it happened but it never will.” ~Dan Pearce

More Fun Than Abs

“Rock hard abs are fun. But do you know what’s more fun? Someone who’s a little bit squishy all over.” ~Dan Pearce

It’s Fine

“”It’s fine.”

All the many thoughts I don’t want to say out loud because . . .I don’t want you to know just how batshit crazy I really am.” ~Dan Pearce

My To-Do List

“If somebody wouldn’t mind coming over and lighting a little fire under my ass, my to-do list would appreciate it.” ~Dan Pearce

New Facebook Feature Meme

“Facebook needs the feature: “oh dear God, please don’t ever show mw that day in history again.”” ~Dan Pearce

People Who Can Hold A Conversation(s)

“I get along best with people who can productively have nineteen conversations all at once.” ~Dan Pearce

Heartbeats Are A Reminder

“I like to think of heartbeats as nature’s built-in clocks, ticking away just loud enough to remind me that my time will run out, so I better stop wasting it on things that really don’t matter.” ~Dan Pearce

Dog Lives Matter

“I’m afraid my neighbors are going to notice soon that I know all their dogs’ names but not theirs.” ~Dan Pearce

Please don’t ask me to use my brain today…

“Please don’t ask me to use my brain today. I’m still catching up from yesterday.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Hey, baby. You. Me. A bottle of wine. And…

“Hey, baby. You. Me. A bottle of wine. And an 8:30 bedtime. What do you say?” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Be Nice

“Be nice. Good things happen.” ~Dan Pearce

The World Would Be Happier If . . .

“This world would be a much happier place if instead of arguing, people would just boop each other’s noses until they can’t stop laughing.” ~Dan Pearce

Money Can’t Buy Happiness

“They say money can’t buy happiness, but I’m starting to think that’s just something rich people started saying to make us feel like we’re not missing out.” ~Dan Pearce

Only Drink With Friends

“I only drink when I’m with friends. Looking at Facebook counts as being with friends, right?” ~Dan Pearce

Punctuation Matters!

“Punctuation can really change a sentence.
Example:
I drank all the wine.
I drank all the punctuation.”
~Dan Pearce

When I think back to my sexual education class…

“When I think back to my sexual education class, I don’t seem to recall them teaching us how to deal with things like Charlie horses and the accidental bonking of heads.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Princess Bride Quotes

“It’s been decades and random quotes from the Princess Bride still burst out of me at such weird times. There’s gotta be a name for this sickness.” ~Dan Pearce

Something isn’t lining up…

“I mean… I hear the words you’re saying, but I also see the things you’re doing. And something isn’t quite lining up to me.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Making My Bed

“I used to think making my bed was a waste of time because I was just going to message it up again. Now that I’m older, I still do.” ~Dan Pearce

My Dog Gives Me . . .

“My dog gives me two things: unconditional love and unending turds to pick up.” ~Dan Pearce

I’m Only Nuts Because . . .

“If you think I’m nuts, you should see the other people in my life. I obviously had to adapt to my surroundings.” ~Dan Pearce

Cuddle You Hard

“I’m gonna cuddle you so hard, baby. Until I’m ready to sleep, then you touch me, you die.” ~Dan Pearce

I made it to the top of my laundry pile…

“Mt Everest. Pshhht. I made it to the top of my laundry pile, which was way taller, and far more risky.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Sometimes I’m the champion of the whole dang world…

“Sometimes I’m the champion of the whole dang world. Other days I could use a participation trophy just for getting out of bed.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

I just realized I’m not 20 anymore…

“I just realized I’m not 20 anymore. That sucks.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Still waiting to grow out of my awkwardness…

“They told me I’d grow out of my awkwardness after middle school. Still waiting. ” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Mid-Life Crisis

“You’ve only had one mid-life crisis so far? Rookie.” ~Dan Pearce

It Is What It Is

“”It is what it is” can usually be turned into “it was that it was until I took that shit on like a champion.” ~Dan Pearce

I’ve seen way more sunrises from being up late…

“I’ve seen far more sunrises because I was up late than I have because I was up early.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Everyone Has Vices

“Every person has their vices. Don’t judge me for mine, just because we don’t happen to share the same ones.” ~Dan Pearce

Die Or Live, Live Or Die

“I don’t want to live dying, I want to die living.” ~Dan Pearce

The getting older cycle…

“I still haven’t figured out how to break out of this vicious ‘getting older’ cycle I somehow got myself into.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

I could use a little side income…

“I could use a little side income. Know anyone who pays well for professional awkwardness? ” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Don’t Hit Snooze

“I’ve had the same goal every morning for the past two decades . . . Just one time, don’t hit snooze when the alarm goes off. Might be time to admit defeat.” ~Dan Pearce

People Only Like Me Because

“Sometimes I think people only like me because I am so ridiculously awesome.” ~Dan Pearce

Somebody keeps putting junk food in my cart…

“It seems somebody keeps putting chips and Oreos in my cart, and I don’t notice until I’ve gotten home and eaten them all.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Always Shop Hungry

“I’ve learned to always shop hungry. It’s the only way I come home with all the good stuff.” ~Dan Pearce

Make Your Day Positive

“I shall now say something to make your day more positive. . . Proton.” ~Dan Pearce

To my best friends…

“To my best friends. Thank you for: loving me when I’m a total tank, listening when I’m blabbing about nothing, and sticking around when I’m a total mess.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Dating At My Age

“Dating at my age is really just two people getting together and saying to each other, “wanna mesh this mess with yours?”” ~Dan Pearce

Hissing like a vampire when I walk out into the sun…

“The older I get, the more I find myself involuntarily hissing like a vampire when I walk out into the bright sun.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

My Daily Dilemma

“If I drink caffeine my heart will explode.
If I don’t drink caffeine, my brain will implode.
It’s my daily dilemma.” ~Dan Pearce

The only people I trust…

“I only trust people who will laugh at all the inappropriate things with me….” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Of course I remember your name…

“Of course I remember your name. I’ve met you five times now. Please don’t ask me to prove it.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Parenting. Sometimes it take a bulldozer…

“Parenting: Sometimes it takes a gentle touch. Sometimes it takes a friggin’ bulldozer.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

No Matter How Hard Life Gets

“No matter how hard life gets, remember out there, somebody else just got woken up from their nap by a telemarketer.” ~Dan Pearce

Don’t try to beat me in the game of awkwardness…

“Trying to beat me in the game of awkwardness is only going to lead me to greater levels of awkwardness. You can’t win.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

No unhealthy snacks in THIS house…

“I’m proud to say my house doesn’t have any unhealthy snacks in it. Because I ate them all.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Elementary School: Things Were Simpler

“Let’s have an annual “Back to Grade School Day,” where we all . . . Meet up to play tag, don’t worry about money, don’t worry about love, and where making new friends is usually as easy as the words, “Hey, can I play four-square with you guys?”” ~Dan Pearce

Who Can I Offend Today?

“Let’s see . . . Who can I offend today with something that should probably never be offensive to anyone . . .” ~Dan Pearce

Want some mentally sound advice?

“Want some mentally sound advice? Oh. I don’t have any of that. I do have some ‘sounds mental’ advice if you want.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Remember When I’m Gone

“I just want to be remembered for two things . . . That I made people’s lives easier, and that I always made them laugh. Oh, and if you all could forget my drunk shenanigans, I’d appreciate that.” ~Dan Pearce

Love of My Life? Pizza

“The love of my life is out there somewhere. Until then, come here you sexy pizza, you. You’ll do.” ~Dan Pearce

Cheaper than therapy…

“Do you know what’s cheaper than therapy? Admitting you’re batshit crazy and running with it.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Behind in My Chores

“At what point do I just admit I’m so far behind in chores that it’d be easier to move and buy a new wardrobe?” ~Dan Pearce Original Meme

When Life Gives You Lemons . . .

“Hey life, I can only drink so much lemonade. Would you mind handing me some pie oranges or a pineapple or something?” ~Dan Pearce

Just gonna close my eyes for one second…

“Just gonna close my eyes for one… SHOOT. How long was I out?” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Weirdness isn’t born…

“Weirdness isn’t born. It’s made. By awesome parents.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Wait… You don’t like something about me?

“Wait. You don’t like something about me? Let me just change who I am real quick so you feel more comfortable.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Get your drama off me…

“Whoa. Easy, there. You almost got some of your drama on me.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

The Nice Thing About Young People

“The nice thing about having a young person around is that they literally know everything.” ~Dan Pearce

I’m Going To Start Budgeting

“I’m clamping down and spending less. I’m going to budget properly, and really start building my savin. . .
OOOOH! A remote control hedgehog that cooks pancakes and darns socks. Ordered.” ~Dan Pearce

The Proper Hug

“How to give the proper hug:
Use both arms; not just one.
Hold it longer than 0.2 seconds.
Actually squeeze the other person.
DON’T end it with a back-pat.”
~Dan Pearce

Coffee: The Best Part Of The Day

“Be the coffee in someone else’s day.” ~Dan Pearce

Don’t Be Offended, Crazy

“Don’t be offended when people tell you you’re crazy. Use it as an excuse to do whatever you want.” ~Dan Pearce

The Stages of True Friendship

Real friends are just as crazy as each other ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

We get that you hate that word…

“We get it. You hate the word ‘moist’.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

I’m Going Crazy

“It’s happening.
I’m going crazy.
It’s kinda fun. Stop resisting and join me.” ~Dan Pearce

The phrase, ‘I’m getting too old for this shit…’

“Every day I understand the phrase, ‘I’m getting too old for this shit’ on an even deeper level.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

I Speak Sarcasm

“My best friends and I don’t speak English to each other. We speak sarcasm and weirdness.” ~Dan Pearce

Driving Test

“As I watch helplessly as other drivers relentlessly try to kill, I have to wonder if the driving test shouldn’t be at least a little bit tougher.” ~Dan Pearce

DARE: Wake Me Up

“Wanna see hell itself spill from my mouth while I try to melt you with laser beams from my eyes?
Wake me up.
I dare you.”
~Dan Pearce

Now that I have one tattoo…

“Now that I have one tattoo, I don’t ever want another one. Said nobody ever.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Dear morning people…

“Dear morning people. Honest question… What the hell is wrong with you?” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

No matter how bad life gets…

“No matter how bad life gets, just remember that somebody somewhere probably just stepped on a Lego.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

I’m Just Rebooting

“If I disappear for a while, don’t take it personal. I’m just rebooting.” ~Dan Pearce

Don’t waste life being a turd

“Life is short. Too short. Don’t waste a single additional minute of it being a turd.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

When people ask how I’m still single…

“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say when people ask how I’m possibly still single. ‘Uhhh, nobody loved me enough to stick with the giant mess I certainly must be? Hey, thanks for asking.'” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Dirty Dishes

“Yes, I know those dirty dishes in the sink aren’t going to wash themselves, but I’m still gonna give them a day or two to make sure.” ~Dan Pearce

So-Called Adult

“Now that I’m a so-called adult who is only getting more adulty, I’m realizing that there really is no age at which people actually figure out life.” ~Dan Pearce

Make My Paycheck Vanish

“For my next trick, I shall make my paycheck vanish into thin air.” ~Dan Pearce

Apologizing Won’t Kill You

“Contrary to what many people believe, recent studies have shown that apologizing won’t actually kill you.” ~Dan Pearce

Parenting Is Like

“Parenting is basically an 18-year episode of Survivor.” ~Dan Pearce

My Biggest Fanatsy

“Friend: What is your biggest and Most incredible fantasy? Like, something that will probably never happen , but would be life changing and beyond amazing if it ever did?

Me: A nap.”
~Dan Pearce

My Current Age

“My Current age is “if I don’t write an idea down within 3 seconds I’ll forget it forever.”” ~Dan Pearce

Parenting: The Act of Watching

“Parenting: the act of watching whatever you say disappear into thin air without ever being heard.” ~Dan Pearce

Mess With Anyone I Love . . .

“If you mess with anyone I love, you will see a side of me that not even a telemarketer has seen . . .” ~Dan Pearce

Solution For A Bad Day

“Life has handed us a simple solution for us to use when we’re having the worst days ever. . . Tomorrow.” ~Dan Pearce

Life and love will beat my kid down enough…

“Live and the world are always going to beat my kid down and toughen him up enough. No need for me to do it in the name of “preparing him for real life.” I’d rather raise him so that even when he’s 30, he knows exactly where to come to find some sort of calm in the storm.” ~Original Meme by Dan Pearce

Best Day Ever

“There are only two things I need to have the best day ever: Sleep. And nobody waking me up.” ~Dan Pearce

Running Late

“Sorry I’m running a bit late . . . I was getting ready to walk out the door and accidentally didn’t.” ~Dan Pearce

Introvert or Extrovert

“I kinda choose whether I’m introverted or extroverted depending on who is inviting me to what.” ~Dan Pearce